Dear FlyLady,
You have reminded me of a very important lesson which I have sought
to learn for a good many years. You see, I've been sober in AA for
21 years. Yes, I had the bad childhood, the bad marriage-s, etc.
What I didn't have was responsibility for myself. In the process of
trying to learn that, I attracted some awesome teachers into my
life. One of those teachers was a dear old-timer in AA and devoted
seeker of God in all forms. He taught me that we don't rise up from
the pits of dispair by our own efforts and struggles to clammer and
climb. We rise up by lightening our load so that those who love and
care about us can lift us up.
Yesterday, God gave me a tickle and a goose that has me giggling
still. I love hats. I use to wear them a lot, but with diminished
self-esteem and the way too many pounds that came along, I began to
dislike the attention they drew. I let my hats go away. So with
your urging I've been throwing out junk, giving away some things of
joy, consigning the good stuff, and donating everything in between.
I was making one of those donation runs yesterday. Well, being a
silly-nilly, I asked the donation lady if I could please keep my
box. I've been getting rid of so much stuff that I have a hard time
getting enough boxes.
So while I was waiting for her to come back, up walks a man with a
bag and a huge round box. I didn't even think about self-esteem or
being shy, I just asked him, "Is that a HAT box?" He said, "Yes, and
there are some hats in it." Without even thinking, I answered, "Oh
my God! I love hats!" He said, "You can have them. I donate here
all the time. I'm sure they won't mind." I said, "I donate here all
the time, too, but I couldn't." Just then the donation lady returned
with my empty box, and I turned to her asked, "... could I?" She
said, "Sure honey, go on! Enjoy your new hats!" Well, Marla, I just
about cried. I drove off with my huge hat box, and I pulled over
into a parking lot down the street. I just had to look in it. They
are two magnificent Bergdorf-Goodman wide brim hats. I am not a
small person at all, and all the small hats out these days look silly
sitting on top of my head. These hats fit me - they fit my outsides
and they fit my insides. I giggled! I cried! I felt -- frivilous --
in the most glorious sort of way. With a husband and two small
children, frivolity is just not in my lexicon. Both my boys and my
husband said they look wonderful with my red hair. With a house full
of males, this is something totally completely for me!
I had the feeling that God was just giggling right along with me. I
remember one of those old-timers telling me to bow down before
God ... not as one subservient or fearful or even obedient ... but
bow down as a child who has lowered her head and closed her eyes
knowing with all her heart that when she opens them she will see a
big, beautiful surprise ... all the riches and all the bounty that
her endlessly loving Father can bestow upon her. And hats, too!
I so dearly love this work you do. Thank you.
Flying in FL