Baby Bean is Growing

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Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Our Wedding Ideas as of march 2004

Brandon and I had a long talk this week about which things are really important to us for our wedding, and how we envision the entire event.

I have always loved the idea of an autumn wedding – not all orange and yellow with pumpkins and scarecrows, but just the time of year and atmosphere – and we agree that Santa Fe in the fall is one of the most beautiful times of the year. Because of our constraints regarding Brandon’s school, etc., we decided that early September 2005 would be a good time to get married. The aspens will be changing, the chilies will be roasting, and there will be a pleasant nip in the air. I’ve never wanted an all-outdoor wedding, so weather won’t really be an issue; if it’s sunny, it’s beautiful, if it’s snowy or rainy, it’ll still be beautiful.

As we talked, we discovered that having both the ceremony and the reception in beautiful, unique places is important to us. We don’t want to have to settle for the drab church hall or harvest gold hotel ballroom just because we are on a budget, so location will be a big factor for us. Getting married in a church would be nice, but it is not 100% important to us. More important would be being in a place we love with the people we love.

Here’s a summary of what we envision: The wedding would be on one of the first weekends in September 2005, on a Friday or a Saturday in the early afternoon. We haven’t decided on a ceremony or reception site yet, but we want the site to be unique and beautiful so that it speaks for itself and fewer decorations are required. Both the ceremony and reception will be simple, elegant, and intimate. We want no more than 40-50 guests, including ourselves and the bridal party.

The ceremony should be short and sweet. I would prefer an organist or other live music over taped, but it isn’t a huge priority. Brandon would like a unity candle as part of the ceremony, and we would both like to write some of our own vows.

The reception would be an hour or so after the ceremony (to allow for photographs) in the mid afternoon. We don’t want a full meal, but we feel that guests do not live by cake alone. We envision a small space with tables and chairs set up and a small area for dancing (not necessarily a formal dance “floor”, but space). We would like to have plain rented linens and tableware (plates, forks, glasses) and simple centerpieces of grouped candles or something similarly elegant but inexpensive. For food, we want to have simple delicious snack food like cheese and fruit, crudités, and possibly some other sort of finger food. We will have tea and coffee and, if we can afford it, champagne for toasting. No other alcohol or beverages are necessary. We want a small, elegant cake of two tiers. If we need more, we will order a sheet cake in the same flavor.

We don’t want a DJ or band for entertainment. Brandon and I will compile and burn mixed CDs ahead of time for the reception music. Since the reception will be intimate, we won’t need a large sound system, possibly no more than a home stereo with a microphone (if necessary) for toasts, etc. I have always wanted to have a first dance with my new husband and a dance with my Dad, so we need at least a small space for dancing. Our main concern with the reception is to have time to be with the people we love and really get a chance to talk to everyone.

The reception shouldn’t last more than 3 or 4 hours at the longest. We would like a “grand exit” from the reception rather than the church with the rice (or whatever) toss and our getaway vehicle. Brandon wants to rent some kind of fun car to drive rather than a limo. We want to spend the evening alone together with a romantic dinner for two somewhere while family and friends can gather as they like for dinner elsewhere.

The next morning we would like to get together with any of our guests who are still there for a farewell brunch somewhere. This should be simple and low key – a planned meal rather than a party – maybe held at the hotel or at an inexpensive family restaurant. We just want a chance to spend a little more time with our friends and family before they go home and we go on our honeymoon!

A few other notes: Good photos are high on our list of important elements, so engaging a professional photographer that we like will be an important expense. We have also decided that we do not want to hire a videographer. If we can find someone to videotape the ceremony, that would be nice, but we are not willing to pay top dollar for this.

Also, I’ve given it a lot of thought, and it is important to me to have my friends stand up with me and be my bridesmaids. I’m going to ask Emily to be maid of honor, and Allison and Anne to be bridesmaids. I think I will just pick a color and a style of dress and then let them choose their own. That way, they can spend what they can afford and maybe even like the dress enough to wear it again! I don’t care if Brandon doesn’t have three attendants and the sides are off balance, it’s just important to me to have my friends be a part of this with me.

I don’t really have many ideas about flowers yet, but as I said above, we want to pick a place that stands on its own so that tons of flowers and decorations are not necessary. Maybe we could have an altar arrangement that we then take to the reception for the cake table or whatever. Bridesmaid bouquets can also double as table decorations, etc. I also don’t mind the idea of making our own bouquets. Simple and elegant are the buzz words here. Maybe order the corsages, boutonnieres etc. to save our sanity, and make the expensive things.

Finally, I’m not big on chintzy guest favors. I would rather have something meaningful, like a personal thank you note for each guest, or a flower bulb of a flower in my wedding that they can plant and have for years to come.

Monday, March 22, 2004

oc bridal expo 2004

So Brandon and I went to a Bridal Expo yesterday on a whim. Don't worry -- you haven't been left out! -- there's nothing formal to announce yet. But I have been given permission to think about the inevitability of said announcement, and thus, we decided to partake of the expo.

All I can say is, if you have never been to a bridal expo, it is an experience unlike any other, and I highly recommend it even if there is nary a nuptial possibility in your future.

As we entered the exhibit hall, I told Brandon to grab one of the Men's Warehouse tote bags from a table near the door. He asked me why. Oh, silly boy. This is something I learned from working at the Texas state fair: if you attend anything with the word "expo" in it, you will need a bag. Possibly several.

Every single booth of approximately 150 had something to hand to us. Every. Single. Booth. And there were booths of every type you can possibly imagine having anything even remotely to do with weddings. One of the first we encountered was called "3D Confetti Effects." This company specialized in exploding cannons of streamers, confetti, and glitter on the large scale, and tiny champagne bottle shaped poppers filled with the same on the small scale. Very entertaining to watch their video presentation.

There were a dozen or more restaurants and hotels hawking their locations as the perfect place for my wedding. Invariably, the first thing they screamed at me over the din was "Have you chosen your reception site yet?" With a timid shake of my head, they would launch into a very well rehearsed shpeel extolling the many virtues of their particular harvest gold/magenta/forest green ball rooms while continuously pressing brochures, price lists, and menus into my hands. One of my favorites was the Knott's Berry Farm Radison lady, who gave her very professional speech dressed in a navy checked gingham dress with matching white lace apron and cap. Apparently her uniform -- I hope.

There were many other kinds of vendors, but my favorite (I admit) were any that were giving out free samples. There were at least two booths with frozen drinks machines, which Brandon promptly defined as "tacky as hell" (especially after discovering that the mini-margarita he had been handed did not contain any alcohol).

There was a very kind cake lady who was handing out samples which were quite good. She had a very impressive cake shaped like a castle. She also told us that she charged about $1.50 a slice for cakes that other people would charge up to $6 a slice for. She said "I tell couples, the cake is there one minute and gone the next. Spend your money on a honeymoon!" I kept her brochure. She was right. There were quite a few other booths handing out cakes, and most of their prices made me worry they would charge me for the sample.

Something I found out very early on is that EVERYONE wants you to register for something. A free honeymoon, a free dinner, a free makeover, a free consultation, a free $5000 shopping spree at Nordstrom (I did sign up for that one) and that the smart bride, the informed bride, the prepared bride brings her own premade address stickers to simply stick to the registration form. Seriously. What I'd like to know, is who tells these girls to do that? How do they know?

There was a fondu fountain at one booth. Literally, a fountain of warm melted chocolate with bowls of marshmallows and pound cake and strawberries and glasses filled with long skewers. Brandon's comment was "That would make such a mess!" I will tell you, watching that molten chocolate, the mess never crossed my mind!

At another booth, an extremely nattily dressed man complete with two-tone shoes, zoot suit, and fedora. He passed me a long stem red rose saying, "We can't let you leave with just a brochure." Tied to the rose were two cards, one for a florist, and one for Mike the Magician. Two guesses who the be-zooted man was.

There was a Rolls Royce available for rental and a life sized, pumpkin shaped carriage completely covered in white lights.

But by far, the largest portion of the booths were either photographers or videographers, or some combination of the two. I picked up a flyer for a photographer whose wedding packages started at $4000. That's 4/5ths of my budget. Another proclaimed that his work had been featured in all the major wedding magazines and I thought of those God-awful wedding gown ads where the woman's hair is teased into an impossibly ugly buffante and she has bright blue eye makeup all around her eyes and glitter covering every other exposed inch of her body. I had an evil moment when I considered getting deep into negotiations with a videographer only to let it slip at a critical moment, say when they're trying to charge me extra for slow motion, that I have a film degree...

The booths featuring bands and DJs were ridiculous and loud. I'm glad I've already decided to forgo the embarrassment of both for homemade mixed CDs.

Overall, it was an enlightening as well as an overwhelming experience. Brandon emerged from the hall blinking in the bright sunlight and looking dazed and bewildered. He admitted that he'd never considered many of the details that go into planning a wedding. I asked if it had scared him off. He just kissed me and then hauled our bulging bag of brochures towards the car. I took that as a no.

So when we got home he started studying for his finals again, and I began pouring over the brochures we had been deluged with. We got cookies and candies, flowers and CDs, DVDs, color brochures, and business cards, but my favorite thing that I got from the expo was something so simple and silly it surprised even me. When we paid to get in, the lady taking the tickets handed me a sticker to wear. It's round and white with a pink heart on it, and it says BRIDE.


Friday, March 19, 2004

a poem by Allison

Allison says:
And now I wait.

Lacy says:
For what?

Allison says:
One hour, sixteen minute, zero to do until then.

Lacy says:

Lacy says:
Ok, here's something to do.

Allison says:

Lacy says:
Write me a poem using the words habit, reduction, library, and generosity, in that order.

Allison says:
Can I use different tenses of these words?

Lacy says:

Allison says:
Ok here ya go

Allison says:
A dirty habit, or a normal habit, that is the question.
A normal habit for one becomes a death sentence for another.
Wasn't there supposed to be more time?
For One
Was Generous.
For One
Was Cruel.
And all because she asked more out of Life than Life could give.
A patron in the library of Events.

We prefer Events over limitations, that was her choice, that was her crime.

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

A Few websites for fun
These two sites induce you to overcome writers block by giving you a very short assignment. The first is a collection of writings from authors who are cajoled to write 100 words a day, no more, no less. Use the random function to read some really interesting rambles.

The second is even shorter. The site provides you with one word, and you are given 60 seconds to write whatever comes to mind with that word. Try it out!

a la carte
This site is a delightfully odd collection of culinary miscelany. I enjoyed it thouroughly, and it has LOTS of recipes. Will let you know if I try any -- there's an asparagus quiche that might be calling my name.
An oddly irreverant yet completely serious cooking compendium. I just like the pictures.

And finally...
I leave this to your imagination.

Monday, March 08, 2004

ode to an apple

mountain snow grown fruit
desendant of Mt. Fuji
apple sweetness snaps!

french phrase of the day

Ca me donne le cafard.
It gives me the blues.

Literally: It gives me the cockroach.

The conversation continues

Dear Gini,

Thanks for your emails. I hope my Mom conveyed to you that I wasn't offended or trying to avoid you in any way! The drama at my work was pretty much all consuming last week, and I didn't have much time or energy to think about much else.

I agree with a lot of what you said in your emails. I'm really only just coming into my own in terms of religious beliefs, and part of my blog - rant was working some of those beliefs out for myself more than publishing them specifically to sway others. As a child you believe what you are told, (although I did frustrate some of my Sunday school teachers at Epiphany with questions that my Dad provoked like "What language did Adam and Eve speak?"), and as a teenager you don't believe anything or conversely, you believe something so fiercely that you try to convert everyone else to your belief. As a young adult, I had the benefit of a Catholic based college which required religion classes, and classes that took an academic rather than theologic approach to religion. I am deeply indebted to those classes now for helping to shape what I am coming to believe.

I haven't yet come into what I would describe as passionate belief, which is a category into which I would place you. I'm still looking at things a bit too logically to be in that category myself, and I may always be that way. It's a character trait of mine that I have always, and probably will always have. And I still find that I have an aversion to some of the more sordid details of Christian beliefs. I don't think I'm at a place in my spiritual journey where I can enter into the pain and suffering as you describe. I'm still trying to come to grips with the good things, let alone the bad.

You've always helped me so much, whether you knew it or not. You've been a real role model for me as a kind, generous, truly spiritual person, and I try to emulate you in many ways. Thank you so much for responding to my rant and giving me the benefit of your beliefs once again.

With ALL my love,

right now

Right now I am eating a Fuji apple sold to me by a very friendly Asian man at the Irvine farmer's market who told me it was "mountain snow grown" and it made me think that he must write haiku.

Thursday, March 04, 2004

the conversation continues - another view


I just thought I would pass this along. I really wish you would see
this film. I agree with you that the resurrection is what is important
to Christians, however, I do believe with all my heart that we cannot
comprehend the love of God for us without entering into His pain and
agony and seeing the love. No, I do not think He wants us to be sad and
wallow in misery and ashes, however, it is my opinion that we cannot
begin to comprehend what He did for us and the meaning of the
resurrection without knowing at a deep level the sacrifice (this is GOD
sacrificing HIS SON, part of Him) that was made for us. I do not think
we can go to the empty tomb until we have stood at the foot of the
cross. Please do not feel that I am preaching, I just would like to
discuss this with someone who cares and who has your caliber of mind and


I don't like drama! I just want to hide in my cube and do my work and not have to worry about politics or power struggles or anything else. I liked this job up until this week, but now my life is full of drama and I go home feeling emotionally drained. My co-worker told the HR woman that our supervisor was speaking to me abusively. I never would have called it that; he is too passive agressive to be "abusive" in the strictest sense of the word. He has been weird lately: totally indecisive, emotional, and micromanegerial (is that a word?). He's been in my cube two dozen times a day for the last week and calling me on the phone every other minute. I don't want this!

I don't want to work from 3pm to midnight either. Where does one draw the line between being a team player and looking out for number 1? I should stick up for myself more, but my coworker seems to be doing enough of that for both of us. She is extremely egotistical, verbose to the point of being repetative, and unflinchingly brutal in her assessment of the situation. I sat in the meeting with the HR woman with my hands in my lap and my ankles crossed in my charcole knee length skirt and black pumps while she spouted off every grievance in her red dress and knee high black boots. She also loses no opportunity to tell anyone who will listen that she doesn't have to work, that her husband makes half a million a year, and that this is just "mad money" for her. We are very different, she and I.

I have a feeling I may lose my job today, yet I am still working as though I were going to be here indefinately. Oddly enough, the whole company is doing the same, although they are living under the possibility of a buyout where everyone will receive the ubiquitous pink slip.

I want to go home.

Monday, March 01, 2004

french phrase of the day

Il est bete comme ses pieds.

He's as thick as a brick.

(Literally: He's as stupid as his feet.)