a little life in review

As many of you know, my work situation isn't the greatest. To sum up: I have one boss who is great, everything a manager should be -- and one who isn't. Unfortunately, the one who isn't pretty much makes my life there a living hell on a fairly regular basis.

I would quit this job point blank -- I have any number of good reasons for doing so -- except that I have a short list of reasons not to do so. First, I love being on flex time. I've done the 8-5 cubicle thing, and it is hard on my mental and emotional wellbeing. Don't get me wrong; I work 8 hours a day, most days of the week, but being able to take time off when I need to, go to lunch whenever I want, leave early when the work is done -- those things are priceless to me. The thought of going back to temping is, at this point, MORE depressing than staying in a crummy work environment.

Second, when I'm not dealing with my horrible boss, the actual work is interesting and even fun at times, and I'm learning a ton about the PR and marketing industry, which is something I could see myself pursuing further somewhere else. There are a lot of opportunities coming up for me to attend trade shows and make a lot of contacts if I can just hold out for a few more months. I'm not just talking about jewelry people here, but writers, editors, freelancers -- anyone and everyone I can shake hands with and slip a business card.

And finally, I don't have another job to go to.

However. Lately the not-so-great boss has been stepping up the abuse, and it's getting to the point where I don't know how much longer I can reasonably hold out. So, I've decided to take some proactive steps towards getting the hell out of dodge, whenever the need should arise.

I've started actively submitting resumes again, which I had fallen somewhat lax in doing, and I've signed up for a writing course through UCI. The class starts in a week and I'm absolutely thrilled about it. It's called "The Inner Game of Writing" and it sounds like EXACTLY what I need -- full of strategies to silence your inner critic, work through writer's block, and get back the confidence you need to write.

A friend of mine pointed out to me the other day that my dip in self-confidence about my writing lately is probably directly related to my toxic work environment. I spend all day defending myself against little nips and jabs at my worth, my competence, and my value, so that when I get home, my reserves are all used up. Little things that normally would not phase me are suddenly more than I can handle. The theory makes a lot of sense to me.

So, I'm working towards an out. Brandon says that if I sell my car for what we're asking, I can take a month off with that money and write or look for another job or whatever. It's tempting, but I'm not quite to that stage yet.

Luckily, the good boss is on my side and stands up for me. Without that, I think I would have been gone long ago. For now, though, I will try to shore up my reserves and go into each battle day telling myself that I am only using this as a good opportunity toward bigger and better things.